Category Archives: Community

I have been a regular attendee at PASS Summit for 15 years now. This year (2018) marked my 15th year in a row. It is the 20th year for the summit. In many ways this summit was a significant, special one for me – in my career, personal growth and relationships. It was also a landmark year for the summit – in terms of direction and community. This year carried many gifts with it – summarized as below –

🎁 I published my first book this year. My book is a series of interviews with people in the data community, and is part of the ‘At Work’ series by Apress – that have people in various professions interviewed on their career path. The publishing of my book coincided with books published by the illustrious likes of Bob Ward and Grant Fritchey. The book was well received and I got to autograph several copies of it at Apress booth. SentryOne also kindly purchased 100 copies as giveaways at their booth. I liked the book-writing experience – I enjoy writing and it is my chosen way of expressing myself. I was able to get the affirmation I needed in this regard.
🎁PASS has published stories of people whose lives have changed as a result of attending summit. My own story has its mention here. I was very proud to have been highlighted among several community members.
🎁I joined the bloggers table with several people who are rockstars at what they do. While live blogging was a difficult challenge and one that I need to work harder at, just sitting at the table with so many people was a total honor. I was very proud to have made it here.
🎁 My good friend Jen Mccown published the first every SQL YearBook – this is a compilation of stories from many in the community. It is worth a read.

My sincere thanks to the many people who were part of my book, Jonathan Gennick of Apress, Rachel Siragusa of SentryOne, Jen McCown, PASS HQ and BoD for making this year and this summit a gift laden one for me. Happy Thanksgiving.

 

 

 

As a follow up to the earlier post I had on harassment issues at PASS Summit – writing this to clarify more on the same. The community seems divided on if or not issues should be reported, if or not those who do not report are guilty, if or not those who say ‘I  will report’ are wrong, on and on. There are no easy answers to any of this, and a healthy debate is a good thing, for sure. But what happens in most cases is that people with strong stances either way tend to back off, thinking they are ‘wrong’ or ‘don’t belong’ and it leads to a sort of a stalemate, allowing such things to go on as is. Below are some of my experiences and humble opinions on all of this.
1 Should all issues be reported?
The answer is umm..no. There are lot of issues  with making a blanket statement like that.Any of us who has been a victim – not necessarily at PASS but anywhere knows the issues around making a shaming incident public.You are already suffering shame, and need privacy. And then you have people expressing how they feel about it, you have people taking stances that it did not exactly happen like you said, you have gossip, cliques, on and on. It is not a pleasant experience and the victim has a right to opt out of it if he/she chooses to. In this case it can also be that victim really does not trust the body of people the issue is being reported to. In a close community that kind of opinion is not uncommon.

2 Is  it then necessary even to have a structure to report issues?
Yes, it absolutely is. And again, that is the problem with polarized stances. If you don’t report an issue, chances are pretty high that person is going to try it again – on someone else, at someplace else. All criminals get to be that way because they got away with something,somewhere. And again, you may be from a country or a culture where such incidents are really rare. Where if someone engages in butt pinching the woman in question will just turn around and put him in place before he could bat an eyelid. I have known women like that from Germany and Sweden, and  even from my own home country, India. There are women who will turn around and make a sarcastic joke, or pinch him back. The problem is that not all people are that way, nor do all of us have presence of mind to act in that way. Some of us feel incredibly violated, shamed. And not all incidents have to  be as mild as butt pinching. It can be a lot worse. A lot of us come from cultures  where people will stand by and watch abuse happen, even enjoy it and egg the perpetrator on. A lot of us have been saved by many a unknown hero who saw it was wrong.
A structure to report the incident to, to ban the person from conferences, report him to police or similar can and absolutely should  exist. Men or women who want to be guardians or make themselves available as guardians are AWESOME PEOPLE, they should not be shamed or let down for what they offer to do.

3 What if I see something that looks like harassment and want to report it?

Check with the victim as  much as possible. And if that is not possible I hate to say it but I would probably report it. But asking the victim helps – and understand what he/she would prefer to do.

4 What if someone confides in me and asks me not to report it?

I would not report it. Respecting someone’s need for privacy is important. I would definitely ask if he/she did anything to let the perpetrator know he was behaving badly. And if it is ok to report it anonymously. I would not in any condition disclose the victim’s name to anyone else or shame him/her for not reporting.

Let us keep the awareness that taking unfair advantage of anyone is wrong, no matter how your own culture chooses to call it. The fine print on that stops if I say I have been taken unfair advantage of. It is wrong to say things like ‘in my culture that would have been a non issue’, or ‘you are too sensitive’, or that ‘You should have reported it’, or ‘You should not have reported it’. All of those thing are opinions , and opinions are necessary to make our process better. But we do have to accept that abuse happens, and work towards bettering trust and related issues – not telling victims how to feel and how to act all the time.

We have to keep the quorum that abuse is wrong, and the victim gets the last word on what that is. We only get to define how to fix things and make it better.

Thank You.

Members of PASS recently received an email from president Thomas LaRock reminding us of the importance of proper etiquette and behavior at the summit. The email was prompted by a few unfortunate incidents of harassment, atleast one of which was highlighted by board member Wendy Pastrick as a personal experience. These posts were followed by a lot of discussion on twitter on how much to regulate, what to regulate, do you report or do you not, on and on. There are no simple answers to any of those questions.

The summit is a conference with as much as 30-40 percent of people from overseas – it is enormously hard to enforce very specific standards for behavior. Not to mention that USA is a country with the highest number of freedoms – so there will not be any norm that is totally acceptable to every person. I got a few emails/requests from friends overseas – particularly in Asia and Asia-Pacific region (for the record I was their Regional Mentor for many years)  asking for clarity on what constitutes appropriate touch, among other things. A lot of them were just very confused in this regard. I will choose to share what has   worked for me personally –
1 Is it ok to hug? If yes, whom?
Generally speaking, yes. I happen to be rather good with body language and I can usually tell when someone is open to it. I am good with my own too  and  have said more than once that I don’t feel particularly huggy that day. Intuition and body language are good things to keep handy – see if the person looks friendly first, that simple.Even after a decade of conferences there are people I’d rather not talk to – they are not friendly enough for me, I take brush-offs badly even if they don’t intend it, I have enough people I know,and I don’t think anyone is that important to force a conversation.  Most trouble ends there.For a hug, just ask. And if it is not your thing it is totally fine to not do it. A courtesy hug is usually one-armed with palm below neck  for a brief second or two. It is not a chest-to-chest embrace that lasts a long time. And if you don’t feel it is right for you, just put out your hand for a handshake, most people are absolutely fine with that.

2 What is an inappropriate touch?
Somebody touching you very intentionally, on parts of the body where it is not comfortable. Our bodies have built in wisdom – if someone is violating your boundaries you will know – you will feel flushed,embarassed and violated. If you are not body-wise – check with a good friend if how you feel is appropriate given the situation.

3 When do I report it – do I have to report it?
It is a difficult answer,  and like many things in the SQL world – It depends. Reporting has some advantages because the person  will not be able to continue the same behavior in public at the conference atleast.Also to remember that you can request anonymity – although chances are high that the perpetrator is going to know it was you. But there are personal cons to this too – depending on how you look at it. It is embarrassing to tell someone you got touched. It is just the way we are, and it is embarrassing for anyone,  male or female. A lot of us can deal with it in our own way – I know of one girlfriend who slapped the man’s rear with a lot of force in return(it was effective!), some use odd humor to make the point, some have a frank talk with whoever is doing it. If you are a dark skinned person like me and  if it is known you complained it is highly unlikely to make you any more popular, even assuming you are popular. And if you are a foreigner you really don’t want to cause any  waves of that nature before leaving. It is all understandable. I would recommend though, to deal with it the best you can and not ignore it – as ignoring it is usually an invitation to the perpetrator that it is encouraged.For those who believe complaining is the route , there are enough valiant men in the community who can shoulder your cause – just approach any of them.

3 People seem to behave in all sorts of ways – sitting on each other’s laps, petting hair, kissing cheeks….how do I know what is the actual norm here?
This was  actually a real question posed to me by a friend from overseas this morning – it was accompanied by some pictures of individuals at the summit. The answer to that is just that it is impossible to regulate how groups of people who are in consent with each other behave. If it is personally embarrassing, step away. I have done that multiple times. Where I am from, sitting on someone’s lap is reserved for romantic relationships and almost never done in public. I have no judgements against those who do it but it is too personally embarrassing for me and not something I can think my way out of. In short, ignore them and don’t base any of your own behavior on other people’s that you find difficult to accept as natural.

4 I am a man..is it my job to come to the rescue of any woman if I see her in trouble?
It is old fashioned for a man to jump to a woman’s rescue  and many men simply cannot resist it. But physically lashing out against the perpetrator can have many consequences including landing you in jail, if you are not careful. If someone is asking for help, go to their rescue and hold the person via conversation or other means until help arrives. Usually there may be more than one man willing to assist with this if it happens at a community event or party. And no, it is not anyone’s job to protect anyone else, in theory. But it is everyone’s job to watch out and take care of each other.

There are a few more tips I have used  that have made my  summit experience positive :

1 Always attend parties with someone you know – preferably  at least one person who will not be totally drunk and can be relied upon to return with you.
2 Be vigilant and use intuition whenever you are in  physical contact with anyone.
3 When in doubt – ask. I have had many experiences at the summit but one that will always be clear and absolute about is that there are a LOT of kind, helpful people. So if complaining is too hard atleast talk to someone about your bad experience. Ask that they not complain if that is not what you want. (Some may not agree to this but there are many who will).
4 Use tips provided by  John Morehouse on how to navigate crowds.
5 The summit is a  very safe place and a great event to attend, don’t let this discussion lead you into thinking otherwise.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

 

 

 

There are 3 kinds of people who keep our user groups and sql saturdays going. They are loyal speakers, sponsors and volunteers. We took extra care to reward our speakers this time – particularly those who have been returning to us every year for the past five years. For sponsors – it is difficult to offer any ‘rewards’. Sponsors are the reason behind our free lunches, our swag, our giveaways…This post is a humble thank you to one of the best sponsors there is. Idera Software has kindly sponsored our user group lunches for 4 years now, and all our 5 sql saturdays as Gold Sponsors. Without them it would be really really hard to keep both the user group meetings as well as sql saturdays going. We are proof and testimony to their commitment to community and we greatly appreciate it. This picture is our volunteer team expressing our thanks.On behalf of all volunteers and attendees of Louisville SQL Saturday – THANK YOU IDERA, YOU ROCK!

Contributing to Thomas LaRock’s Meme Monday:

I had an interesting experience at the recent SQL Saturday in Louisville. A young man came up to me at lunch and asked me –
Him: ‘So, how long have you been doing this?’
Me: ‘3 years now, this is our third event’
Him:’Wow, great job!’
Me:’Thank you’
Him:’If you don’t mind me asking, is it good money on the side?’
Me:’Sorry?’
Him:’I meant, PASS pays you right, this is a lot of work, organizing this and all this, am guessing organizers and speakers get paid?’
Me:’No we don’t get paid,nobody makes anything off of this’
Him:’Are you serious? These speakers, they all come in for free?’
Me:’Yes, everyone does. Many pay their airfare and accomodation all out of their pocket to come’.
Him:’So you guys all take your personal time and effort for something like this? I have been with MS communities for years, never seen anything like this..Wow, i mean am speechless, wow!, I mean it is a huge effort, how do you find motivation?’
Me: ‘Yes the SQL community is unique, we are family, in more ways than one. We believe in sharing our knowledge and our success and help everyone grow. If you had to organize a family reunion, would you go about doing it or make a huge deal of how much effort it is and how you are not making a dime out of it?’
Him:’Guess I’d do it…I guess you guys are a great family like community, wow, hats off to you all, and thank you. I want to be part of this, I do. Wow, am not over it yet. ‘

I guess that kind of summarizes the SQL family, in more ways than one. We get it done, for the love of it. And we stick together through thick and thin. What more could one ask for?

After running two sql saturdays and a third one coming up I have had exposure to a wide range of comments and experiences. Most of them, am glad to say, have been positive and encouraging. There are however, the few – among speakers, attendees and volunteers that are really irksome and indifferent. Buck Woody wrote a post a while ago about speaker responsibilities around conferences/events – following that i was inspired to write a few lines on my own thoughts in this area.

Attendees – Most attendees are appreciative of a free event and leave with positive feedback. Some are,though,completely oblivious to the amount of hard work it is. Some are baffled by why volunteers do so much of hard work for free and wonder if we have a life. Some simply don’t care to spend so much personal time on something work related. A lot of prospective attendees strongly believe their boss has pay for their time to attend, and/or saturdays and holidays are personal time that they will not consider spending at a technical event. Fair enough..but only if you think your boss is going to be the same guy (or company) for quite some time and you are happy entrusting your career in his hands.

Some guidelines for attendees:
1 Learning is for your benefit. It is proven enough that those who do self learning progress far more than those who don’t. People who know better have more choices and therefore are treated with more respect. Take initiative to go to free events and learn.Think before saying your boss does not support it, maybe he doesn’t but this is for you, not for him.
2 Show up if you register, or cancel if you can’t. You may be getting in way of someone who really wants to go and can’t because all seats are taken.
3 Care to fill out feedback forms for speakers – most speakers take your feedback very seriously.
4 Be considerate with criticism – a huge amount of work goes into organising events, and all of this is done by people like you who have families and full time jobs. Let them know what they can do better, but never forget that it is professional world class training for FREE.
5 If you are asked to pay for lunch – understand that it is probably because the event funds can be better used elsewhere. If you feel so strongly about it you are free to eat outside . I would not gripe about that 10$ when I get a great lunch and so much more in return.

Speakers – Most sql saturday speakers spend considerable amounts of their time and effort travelling and speaking, it is very hard to come up with criticism against them..but some general points not just for sql saturdays but for volunteer events in general:
1 Honor your commitments – there is no force to speak at any event, it is purely out of your own volition. Do think of factors such as travel time, expense and stress before committing to any event.
2 Please read emails asking for confirmation if you are selected and respond as early as you can.Many times it takes multiple emails/tweets/phone calls to confirm if you are fine with the date and selection.
3 Please be considerate if you have to cancel – try to let the organisers know as early as possible. And if it is possible to find a replacement offer to do so.
4 Please let audience know if you are filling in for somebody – i heard more than one comment from attendees when they went into a session that somebody was filling in, only to find the speaker poorly prepared and unsure of the subject. There are lots of ways to do a fill-in session and the audience will be lot more sympathetic if it is something you are doing in a hurry. I still remember Grant Fritchey’s session in SQL Rally where he filled in for someone – he made it real clear that he was doing so. The session was lively, fun, interactive and lots of learning came out of it.

Volunteers – Let us admit right away, volunteer work is hard. It takes away considerable time from personal life, and yes, it is thankless and frustrating when you read trivial comments and overt demands from some attendees. But volunteer work is also hugely rewarding because of the connections you make, the shared stories and the occasional emails from attendees who talk about what a blast the event was and how it helped them connect with so and so and find a job and so on.
1 Same as speakers, honor your commitment. Don’t  take on more than you can do if possible, although for some of us it is impossible 🙂 Try to spread work out and take care of yourself personally.
2 Be an initiator, not just a follower. It is easy to do task lists and let someone else do the thinking, but it is very burdensome for the person in charge to keep handing out task lists. Offer to take on parts of the event and do it yourself with feedback from others. Ask for a budget amount maybe, and be creative in what can be done with it. We had a volunteer who did an event booklet with hand drawings of venue and a graphically creative appearance. She also found us our first local sponsor all on her own. Another volunteer did event signs by hand. Two years ago when we were really short budget wise she started this all on her own and has been doing it since.Those are some examples of what i would think of as role model volunteering.
3 Let key organiser know and be considerate before cancelling – committed volunteers are hard to find and even harder to replace. Try to avoid last minute other commitments.
4 Above all, understand that it is a *lot* of work. Majority of my volunteers who did not show up were those who thought it was easy work like throwing garbage out after the party. There are definitely trivial tasks involved and does not hurt to ask for small roles, but to be a committed volunteer it takes a lot more than that. Don’t do it if you dont have a calling for it or cannot do so for some personal reason.

That is just a few thoughts for this time. Maybe this event will bring in more. Thanks for reading and do leave comments for me.

Inspired by:

http://blogs.msdn.com/b/buckwoody/archive/2011/10/20/bonus-rant-conference-speakers-and-the-golden-rule.aspx

I have two people from out of the US in my first timers group for PASS Conference 2011 – one from South Africa and another from Australia. There are people from several countries attending the conference, from all over the world. It is a huge effort for someone to travel several miles, take time off from work, fight jet lag, get used to another culture and still make the best of what the conference has to offer. It is even more impressive when people do it on their own expense, which can be considerable for some countries. (A very good friend of mine from India is actually travelling on his own expense.)

In this post I am sharing some of my thoughts and some issues I ran into as a foreigner several years ago- I was not quite like travelling attendees, I always lived in the US so it wasn’t that hard for me in terms of travel, and some cross cultural issues were easier too –  but I still faced several issues when I attended the conference for the first time that had to do with my non US origins.

1 I went hungry, a lot – I am a vegetarian – on my first conference in Texas I didn’t get much to eat other than conference food, which was not enough. I don’t eat most stuff in vending machines either, and was really miserable/hungry. If you are vegan/vegetarian – there are lots of places to eat in and around the conference center (and Seattle is a lot more vegetarian friendly than Texas!!). Some of my choices now are –

1.1 Oatmeal at Starbucks for a low calorie breakfast
1.2 Sandwiches at Subway for the occasional bite or if I don’t like lunch/am too tired for dinner
Both are located in the conference center, and there are several in and around it too.
1.3 Whole foods market is an easy walk from the conference center. It is expensive,but you are very likely to get something from their deli that is healthy and good.(Directions in links below)
  1.4 Most hotels offer a kitchenette (microwave/fridge) in the room for a small additional cost. If you are doing the conference on your own and want to save some $, or like me, simply don’t get a good meal outside, this is the best option – although most people need to get used to the idea. I carry some curries which I make and freeze or buy frozen dinners at whole foods and just make them in the room. A small electric rice cooker is also a good thing to take along for anyone who wants to go this far to eat well.
1.5 If I am not too tired, I like to walk down and eat at the wonderful bakeries and little coffee shops around Pike place market. Most are very vegetarian friendly although not necessarily calorie friendly.
If I get concerns of food and feeling hungry out of the way the conference is much more easy and enjoyable.

2 I got lost, a lot – wasted considerable time walking and losing valuable energy. I lost or misplaced maps and spent too much time trying to figure my way around without them. Now I always keep a map of surroundings/event book on me – although downtown Seattle is a lot more easy with practice. If I feel lost I ask for directions or refer the map.(The map is always a better option). I never assume I will figure it out somehow and keep going.

3 I didn’t carry much cash – Cash is needed for tipping hotel staff,taking cabs if you venture out, and the occasional snack/other needs. Using ATMs not supported by my local bank simply cost me unnecesary extra $. Now I always keep cash, especially small change like $5 or $10 bills.

4 I did not know enough local etiquette – arguably the hardest thing and took very long.The trick here is to be forgiving of mistakes you make and keep trying, on a persistent basis. It took me a while even to master simple things like introduce myself by name, and to offer my hand to shake. Also a considerably long time to understand and interpret american ‘friendliness’.

5 I carried too many things around – walking light is a relief, especially when you have to walk a lot. Carrying unwanted stuff including a laptop sometimes can be well avoided with some planning. There are ‘browsing booths’ set up at the conference center for occasional logins and checking emails – unless it is a work related emergency or my laptop is super light(which it is not) i’d rather leave it at the hotel and just take basic things around.

6 I collected too much stuff – SWAG is nice but too much swag, especially with airlines charging for luggage is not a good thing.SWAG is also a pain to carry around. If it is for a user group and really worth it I try to go to the post office and ship it out to myself. Otherwise I only take only something that is light and really cool – no t shirts, no bulky anything if I can help it.

7 I did not make arrangements when going out – I have not exactly been in a spot with this, but found myself wondering why I did not do better planning before. In american culture people often assume you have made your own arrangements. They do help you if you ask but if you assume someone will ask or offer to walk/drive you back, it does not always happen. This is particularly important if you are a woman – now I ask and make sure someone is giving me a ride back to the hotel (and he/she is not likely to get too drunk to drive!), or walking back with me.) Worst comes I have a cab company’s phone # on me and call myself a cab(most hotels will have names and numbers of local cab companies).It goes without saying cash is needed to pay the cabbie.

8 Learning to take things less personally – this might be an odd thing to say but perhaps the #1 issue most people from out of the country have when they try to network. When people get together to socialise invariably the topics get around to a few things a person from non US origins may not know or care much about – for example, bacon,baseball or strong argumentative views on religion or politics. Some more things I personally don’t have a clue about are western music,alcohol mixes with weird sounding names, and the highly complex pros and cons of PASS election process. If the conversation gets around to any of this and keeps going on, I just wait a bit and then leave.I don’t waste time pondering why I didn’t belong or feel included as I realize it is their stuff and they may feel similar perhaps in some other country or among some other people.

The important thing to keep in mind as non US attendees – is that we are all part of a community, a rare inclusive community that is worth travelling and being part of. A considerable part of the team who made the SQL Server product are from outside the States and that is worth being proud of. With some simple effort we can all be part of the ‘PASS League’, or the ‘SQL League’, if not the bacon league.

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USEFUL LINKS

Listing of Ethnic restaurants around downtown Seattle:
http://www.fodors.com/community/united-states/ethnic-restaurants-in-downtown-seattle.cfm

Wholefoods Market,downtown Seattle:
http://tinyurl.com/3bqzxzr

Cab company, Seattle
http://www.yellowtaxi.net/

Embassies and other useful info:
http://www.seattle.gov/html/visitor/internationalvisitors.htm

‘This community thing is not for me’

I got an answer like this from a long time friend of mine. He was a regular attendee at our user group meets, attended the PASS conference a couple of times, and now was running his own consulting company and doing well. He had had some bad experiences – his speaker submission was turned down once, and there had been some altercation with some celebrities. More than all that his reason was that he was ‘not much of an extrovert’ and ‘he’s already checked out Seattle’.

His reasoning around being an introvert was a little like mine, several years ago. I got into computers for that exact reason – they were lot more easier and predictable than people!! But I didn’t get very far being that way.  My friend Andy Warren says he is about being extroverted for professional reasons and a private person otherwise. I think that is the best combination of behaviors I would aim for. If I don’t get out of my comfort zone a little and get to know others, they don’t get to know me. I would lose opportunites that I do not even know existed, and I would not know whom to approach or how if I ever needed help. Now I think majority of us who have the ‘introvert’ reason are just too comfortable with our ‘comfort zones’ or devalue the benefits of getting out of it a little.

The reasons this person had led me to think about the right and wrong reasons to attend a professional conference like PASS community summit.

The right reasons according to me –

1 Learn more – hear what experts have to say, particularly on new/upcoming features,also on explorations into specifics of other features.

2 Make new friends – get to know more people like me, more dba’s, more user group leaders, understand their problems, challenges and successes.

3 Understand the direction the product and technology is evolving – particularly from keynotes and also from content of presentations.

The wrong reasons –

1 Expecting networking to work in magical ways – someone offers you work/a job, a celebrity becomes best friends…these things happen…but normal ways networking works is that it creates an initial familiarity and friendly exchange, that is all. Sometimes that can evolve into deeper friendships, sometimes it just stays as a business card exchange. But the returns are gradual, not instant or magical.  To my introverted friend these initial steps itself are a huge effort and he feels disappointed that ‘it is not working out’.

2 Looking for instant answers to some kind of technical problem – it is possible to get solutions to lot of issues, by asking questions at the right session. The microsoft ‘clinic’ at the Summit even allows you to take your laptop in and they work with you through the problem, for free. I once got help on a somewhat difficult replication issue this way. But again, it is not always possible and some answers are really not instant, they require a paid consultant to look deeper into a problem. It is a good idea not to promise your boss or anyone that you will come away with instant answers to some difficult problem – that may or may not happen. You will, however, get plenty of guidelines and pointers to the possible solution(s).

3 Getting priorities in wrong order – I do all my holiday shopping in Seattle. In fact am so used to it that am not sure where to shop when the summit moves elsewhere. But my first priority is the conference, not shopping. I use that as an opportunity to do shopping ,which is fine – but like my friend said if checking out ‘cool’ places is your priority that makes the gains out of the conference secondary.

4 This might seem funny…but looking for information on a really old version…last year i was asked at the user group by someone if the summit would have content related to SQL 2000. We are 3 versions after SQL 2000 and this year into the 4th. Most speakers would be more than happy to say if what they are talking of is SQL 2000 compatable…but to expect content on a product that old is somewhat unreasonable..technology is about staying up to date and most information would be related to newer content, not old.

Check to see if your reasons are in line 🙂